Eat, Pray, Love

I have been reading this book for the past few nights. I usually read through a book quickly, but I've been pacing myself to actually stop and think during this one. While I was reading I found this to perfectly describe my mind:

"I have searched frantically for contentment for so many years in so many ways, all these acquisitions and accomplishments--they run you down in the end. Life, if you keep chasing it so hard, will drive you to death. Time--when pursued like a bandit-- will behave like one; always remaining one county or one room ahead of you, changing its name and hair color to elude you, slipping out the back door of the motel just as you're banging through the lobby with your newest search warrant, leaving only a burning cigarette in the ashtray to taunt you. At some point you have to stop because it won't. You have to admit you can't catch it. That you're not supposed to catch it. At some point, you gotta let go and sit still and allow contentment to come to you."

I am always planning things, months or years in advance. I have our budget set for the next year. I worry about EVERYTHING before it even occurs. I always want what's next, and I don't enjoy the present enough. I want to have a baby, even though I know I should enjoy the newlywed life. But I can't stop planning a pregnancy that isn't even happening yet. When I think of the next year, I always think well if I am pregnant at this time, blah blah blah.

Brian says I should be happy with what I have now, and I truly am happy. I want to live and not worry about stupid things I have no control or power over. I have to realize, I can't plan every detail of my life before it happens.

I think I have made progress, but I know I have a long way to come still.